Exclusivelyexclusive2’s Weblog

August 30, 2007

What? What?

Filed under: Uncategorized — exclusivelyexclusive2 @ 3:55 pm

Today in the shower my mind randomly ran on this guy I went on a date with a few years back.  This story is hilarious and I had to share it:

Background: I’d been back in the city for a while and was looking to start dating again, and as the field I work in is mostly women and gay men, I wasn’t meeting anyone through work. I also was not trying to respond to any of the holla’s I got while walking to the subway in the morning. So I decided to try Nerve.com’s singles ads.
 

True Story: So this one guy sends me a message on Nerve and generally seems to be a cool dude. So I click his profile and see that there is a picture of him about to skydive off a mountain or something. Interesting. Then I click the other photos and see that he’s just an average looking dude; not really my type, but he seems interesting and I agree to a date.

So we meet up at some thai restaurant in the Village and sit by the window–a huge window that looks onto the street.  We’re talking, doing the whole “what do you do for a living? Where did you go to school? Where do you hang out?” Blah, blah, blah.

And all of a sudden he looks out the window and freezes up. So I’m like “What’s wrong? What happened?” He’s like “Oh, I just thought I saw someone I knew. So I’m like “Oh, ok.” And he’s like “Well….I actually thought I saw my ex-girlfriend….ex-fiance to be exact.”

So I guess at this point I should have been throwing up stop signs. I mean, everyone knows you’re not supposed to be talking about exes on your first date. It’s a big no-no (BTW, have ya’ll seen this show. It’s hilarious. That matchmaker lady must be from Brooklyn, cause she keeps it so real. Telling people to get their teeth fixed and stop talking about their seven cats on the first date). But I kept on with the date and let him keep talking about the ex-fiance.

Then he tells me this wild-ass story: he met the ex-fince at his job. They dated for like over a year, she moved in with him, everthing was great. Until, oneday he gets a knock on the door. It’s this guy claiming that he’s her fiance and he’s here to take her back home with him. Drama ensues and the girl confesses that she is also engaged to this other guy. There’s a physical altercation, there’s gnashing of teeth and beating of breasts with the final outcome being that the girl goes with the other dude and the guy I’m on the date with is left with his you-know-what in his hand. Heartbroken, he then quits his job, moves to upstate New York and starts training to be a Muy Thai fighter.

Hold up–a what? Yes, a Muy Thai fighter. One of those martial arts guys who gets whipped in the ring by Asian dudes with years of experience. What?!

So, despite the fact that I’m in disbelief and am thinking “is this guy lying or is he telling the truth?” I decide to let him take me out one more time…..BIG MISTAKE.

On our second date, we somehow get on the topic of college and he tells me he was in the ROTC. So I’m like,  “oh, okay. so did you serve in the military after college?” He answers, “That’s an interesting question with an interesting answer.”

Hold up–I should have known right then that he was going to tell me another outlandish/is-this-shit-even-real story, and braced myself. But I didn’t. And I end up speechless when he tells me this:

He was in the ROTC, but after signing up he found out that they’d lied to him about how much of his college education they would pay for. So he decides to go AWOL and not do the mandatory years of military service the army requires of people on the GI Bill. So he just never shows up for training and keeps moving around in hopes the army won’t find him. But, they do find him. And according to him, instead of just coming down to his job or knocking on his apartment door, they send a guy to rapel down the side of his building and break through his window to “take him down.”  Then he somehow convinces the soldier they sent to bring him in that he’ll just pay the army back the money he owes. So he set up an account where the army automatically debits money each month until he pays off his debt to the US Government.

Can you believe this dude? I mean, how could I believe anything he said after this story. Why would the government be sending out special ops soldiers to recover him?! He’s not that important.  Also, Uncle Sam would never let someone just pay them back. They’d court marshall him and f*&k up the rest of his life for going AWOL. I mean, come on. So unbelievable. But even more unbelievable that he’d go around telling this story to people, especially women he wanted to oneday be his girlfriend.  But then again, the stories he told were so detailed in their outrageousness that maybe they were true?? Or somewhat true?

Anyways, I never saw dude again. I just never got back in touch. But the funny thing is that a few years after that incident I considered doing Internet dating again and looked at the NErve site. And guess what? He was still on there with the same profile pics. He’s probably somewhere right now telling that story to some unsuspecting girl over lunch. And she’s probably nodding her head and smiling trying to figure out if she should just excuse herself to the ladies room and sneak out the back door of the restaurant.

Craziness.

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4 Comments »

  1. I can’t figure out which is funnier, the guy’s story or the fact that you went out with him 2x. LOL!

    Comment by Christeenah — August 30, 2007 @ 6:42 pm

  2. I know, right? Sometime we do dumb things. Really dumb things. LOL.

    Comment by exclusivelyexclusive — August 30, 2007 @ 7:49 pm

  3. fucking hilarious

    nigga had ppl rapeling down buildings…

    *howling*

    Comment by donwill — August 31, 2007 @ 5:30 pm

  4. “fucking hilarious

    nigga had ppl rapeling down buildings…

    *howling*”

    Yeah, not to mention the Muy Thai fighting. What??!!

    Comment by exclusivelyexclusive — September 1, 2007 @ 1:28 am


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