Exclusivelyexclusive2’s Weblog

December 22, 2007

Stack that Cheese Part II*

Filed under: Uncategorized — exclusivelyexclusive2 @ 9:28 pm

*Are you happy, Del Touro? I broke it into 2 posts!

Well, today my family had our Secret Santa gathering. We’ve been doing this on my dad’s side of the family for the past 2-3 years. I was told the gathering started at 2 pm. So, stupidly, I got there at like 2:20-ish. So I ring the bell and I walk into my cousin’s apartment and see that NO ONE is there but my two cousins and my cousin’s kid. That’s when I find out the start time was pushed back to 3 pm and no one told me.

Luckily, my cousin’s house is down the street from my parents’ apartment, so I walk down to my parents’ and as I’m walking, I call my mom to be like, “How come you didn’t tell me it starts at 3?” And she’s all, “Oh, sorry, we forgot to call you.” Like basically, “My bad.” These people. LOL.

When I get to my parents’ house I am greeted by their 600 lb dog. Okay, maybe he’s a little lighter than that. But for real the dog is a chihuahua and he weighs like 20 lbs. My dad tries to blame his weight on the breeders, saying they gave the dog’s mom steroids while she was pregnant. But that theory doesn’t hold weight–literally–because the dog’s brother (their other dog) and my dog, Lola (their sister), aren’t 600 lbs. So it’s safe to say the issue is that my parents over feed the dog.  They need to put him on a treadmill, stat. I can’t even pick him up without putting all my weight into it. Plus, he likes to sit on me when I’m lying down on the couch and that hurts when the dog is 1000 lbs.

Then at like 3:15 we walk back to my cousin’s house and find that–you guessed it–no one else has really arrived. So while we wait, my cousin’s daughter starts playing with me. And everything is going fine, and then she says “Play dead.” So I play dead and she goes, “you’re not dead; you’re awake.” And I’m like, “Your right; I am awake.” And then she goes, “Cause if you were dead, you’d need a gun. Then you could shot your own head off.”  What?!?

So I tell her dad what she said and I’m like, “How does she know about people shooting their heads off.” And he’s like “She watches too much TV.” And I”m like, “Um, she needs to be watching the cartoon network. She’s five.” He didn’t think it was such a big deal. Clearly, he won’t be allowed to babysit my kids, once I have them.

Then my other little cousin, who’s 10, pulls out his iPod. And I’m like, “Oh, let me see what songs you have on there.” So I’m flipping through and the songs on there are what I expect to see: Rihanna, Chris Brown, 50 Cent, Akon, and–wait a minute: I click into the Akon songs and I see one track titled, “I wanna f**k you.” So I say to his big brother, “Did you know this song is on here?” And he just starts laughing. Everyone I show it to also just starts laughing.  And then I start laughing.  Then he (the ten year old) has an “Allah” button on his hoodie. So I’m like, “You’re a Muslim?” And he goes, “Yeah. Me and my dad. I haven’t eaten pork in 4 months.” So I’m thinking, “Keeping you from eating the swine is of utmost importance to your dad, but listening to inappropriate songs about sex, not so much.”

Then I just started laughing.

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8 Comments »

  1. Yes!! I’m happy you broke it down to china town! LOL!

    Comment by Del Touro — December 22, 2007 @ 9:31 pm

  2. LOL!! Whoa this is totally out of control.

    Comment by Amy Cho — December 22, 2007 @ 9:44 pm

  3. F-U-N-N-Y!!

    Comment by Kamil — December 22, 2007 @ 9:45 pm

  4. LOL. Kids hear all kinds of stuff nowadays.

    Comment by exclusivelyexclusive2 — December 22, 2007 @ 9:46 pm

  5. *makes crude joke about pork and porking in my head*

    Comment by SanDy — December 22, 2007 @ 10:12 pm

  6. I can’t believe you, Sandy. The cbox has corrupted you.

    Comment by exclusivelyexclusive2 — December 22, 2007 @ 10:30 pm

  7. […] Here’s another interesting post I read today by Exclusivelyexclusive2’s Weblog […]

    Pingback by 50 Cent » *Are you happy, Del Touro — December 22, 2007 @ 11:10 pm

  8. your family sound fucking awesome

    Comment by dub definite — December 23, 2007 @ 11:02 am


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